technical
I will warn you that my entries here are getting closer to what I used to keep private in my old journal. I know why, but that’s OK. Anyway:
Today my drumset came again, and I was here to get it. I spent a long time setting it up just right, and then I played for maybe an hour, which is a long time for playing drumset. It’s wonderful, and I’m thankful to have it. Also, I feel good about my skill level, which I guess is appropriate since I’ve been playing for about seven years now.
Just before I got in the shower, I was sitting at the foot of my bed trying to remember how I could ever get depressed. I had a JTB-inspired poetic thought, which I recited later at the station: the sun is shining. planes are taking off, but not touching down, and my ears hold the sounds around me like my arms would hold the last girl on earth.
Right now, I want to go to sleep. It used to be that sleep was a safe haven from the world, whether good or bad, because I remember my dreams so infrequently. Lately that’s changed, and I keep remembering different branches of the same dream every morning. It starts with a different plot every night, but it always ends the same, in rejection, which is one of my ultimate fears. #
August 21st, 2003 at 5:44 pm
probably everyone’s ultimate fear- we’re all in there with you…
so how do your roommates like the drums!?!
August 22nd, 2003 at 12:29 am
I really hate to say this because you really shouldn’t have to live with feeling that way…
but the best advice I can give you is “accept it, and learn to embrace it”. A lot of people will tell you that you shouldn’t live this way because of a number of reasons. Me… I have accepted it and understand that this feeling will be with me despite my best efforts to change it otherwise.
So you’ve got two paths you can take. #1 - Overcome your fears. #2 - Accept your fears.
Keep in mind that I have chosen #2, and evaluate how content it has made me. (i.e. not very).