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Random thoughts from this week. Getting my thoughts organized:

1. I’m listening to KSCR right now, and somebody is making my day. First he played Storm from Raise Yr. Skinny Fists…, which I try to play as much as possible. Usually I don’t have the cajones to play all 22 minutes of it, but he did. And now he’s playing A Silver Mt. Zion, which is lovely. I haven’t really heard that much of their stuff before. Should probably go buy the first album, which has one of the coolest titles ever: He Has Left Us Alone But Shafts Of Light Sometimes Grace The Corner Of Our Rooms…

I should mention that I still think Raise Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven! is the coolest album title ever (Levez Vous Skinny Fists Comme Antennas To Heaven?), and I still plan to scrawl it on my walls with paint.

2. I was in the DT today. Here.

3. I spent a good chunk of yesterday with Jed the Fish from KROQ. That was cool.

4. My classes are supa-easy so far. I’m getting the intro-to-neuroscience lectures for the third time now, but that’s OK. Just makes me stronger. EE sucks, I’m glad I’m getting out. My math TA speaks English! Imagine that.

5. Mommy sent me my glasses. It’s really awesome being able to see when I’m driving at night. I didn’t realize how blurry things were. The increase in clarity just about makes up for the total dork factor.

6. I’ve been listening to Broken Social Scene continuously for about 4 weeks now. I want to write a nice long review. Metaphors brewing in my head… maybe for the new KSCR site in a month or so.

7. I saw Mellowdrone tonight at the Troub, he was OK. I really enjoyed the band before him actually, it was essentially a cross between Pilot to Gunner and the BSS tracks with female vocals (not Anthems, but the other ones). It was pretty. I will find out their name and report back.

8. Got my car fixed up, it’s a beautiful thing. Now to get XM installed… tomorrow? Yes. XM70++.

9. And while I’m not getting XM installed, I will be working on the RMD all day tomorrow. Must finish, then will install beach chair in KSCR office, obtain ice-blended drink with little umbrella, etc… #

I was having a pretty good day today, in a music-cubanfood-sunshine-love, atmospheric kind of way.

Then I was hanging out with friends, and Tom called me and told me that Jim Helmick died. I’m completely in shock about it. When Mr. Gartell died I was sad, but not overly emotional, because I expected it. It’s a shame that Mr. Helmick’s death will not stand alone, and instead be associated with Mr. Gartell’s, but it’s the combination that makes me most sad.

I don’t have enough good things to say about Mr. Helmick to satisfy and explain the experience of being his student. It’s hard losing a friend, but it’s comforting to know that he would probably have no regrets about his life. That’s the way he lived. I should start living that way.

I tried to put on my happy face for the rest of the day, but inside I’m torn up. Went home, laid in bed staring at the ceiling for a few hours, went to a comedy show with friends (Margaret Cho). I didn’t think it was funny. I don’t know if that’s because it wasn’t, or because of me.

I guess everybody learns about death at a different point in life, and I’m fortunate to have waited this long. Right now I should be at a birthday party, but doing anything besides sitting and thinking just seems foolish and inappropriate. #

I will warn you that my entries here are getting closer to what I used to keep private in my old journal. I know why, but that’s OK. Anyway:

Today my drumset came again, and I was here to get it. I spent a long time setting it up just right, and then I played for maybe an hour, which is a long time for playing drumset. It’s wonderful, and I’m thankful to have it. Also, I feel good about my skill level, which I guess is appropriate since I’ve been playing for about seven years now.

Just before I got in the shower, I was sitting at the foot of my bed trying to remember how I could ever get depressed. I had a JTB-inspired poetic thought, which I recited later at the station: the sun is shining. planes are taking off, but not touching down, and my ears hold the sounds around me like my arms would hold the last girl on earth.

Right now, I want to go to sleep. It used to be that sleep was a safe haven from the world, whether good or bad, because I remember my dreams so infrequently. Lately that’s changed, and I keep remembering different branches of the same dream every morning. It starts with a different plot every night, but it always ends the same, in rejection, which is one of my ultimate fears. #

Here are the things accomplished since Fritag:

• KSCR in Cafe ‘84. First we tried AM, then streaming, then AM again (with a really huge homemade loop antenna—perhaps the only practical application of something I learned in school so far—thanks Bickers). Then streaming again, then again this morning at T minus 15 minutes, because I had to reconfigure the server and terminal services wasn’t working.
• Studio A Upgrades. Re-calibrated gain levels for Aux channel. Wired up dedicated studio computer channel for playing MP3s, calibrated that. Slight tweak to phone amp. Wired Aux cord so that it can’t be lost under console.
• The Studio A Cleaning Project. Studio vacuumed, de-trashed, new template for board, new computer monitor, cleaned up computer, de-virused computer, cleaned console extensively, razor blades, you name it.
• Music Database Server. Installed, configured, and stabilized the following on a live production server without a single restart: Apache, PHP, MySQL, phpMyAdmin, FTP, Terminal Services. It’s really cool.
• Music Database Software. Fixed lots of bugs, started second phase of development (playlisting, logging, charting).
• Added about 50 CDs to Music Database.
• Cleaned, patched all KSCR computers. Two had Blaster, were disabled by ISD. Also got ISD to switch computers from some Annenberg account to our own. (Computers were old donations from Annenberg, apparently. It was funny, because the ISD guy, knowing I was from KSCR, asked me where I got the computers in a very accusing tone. We figured it out eventually.)
• Did a 4.5 hour airshift today, filling in for a bunch of no-shows. Since it was our first day in Cafe ‘84, we had to really shine.
• Sent pretty HTML email to KSCR announce list. If you want a copy, let me know, I’ll forward one along.

I wrote that all down because it feels like I have a huge mountain of work to do and I feel behind. But the truth is, I’ve been working my ass off, and I’ve completed a ton of projects. Aside from the meeting and my show tomorrow, I need to take a short break from KSCR to concentrate on WiFiLand, marimba, and a ton of random errands.

Oh, which reminds me. My show!

Netcast
Tuesdays 10pm-midnight PST
“Everything we play is available for free on the internet—we’ll let you know where. Tune in to hear fresh songs from innovative artists who understand the power of the online music community.”

You had better make with the listening. If you know of some cool MP3s online for me to check out, let me know.

Tomorrow I get my drumset! #

Do you ever find a song that applies to you so perfectly right when you hear it? If you had the skills to channel your emotions, you would have recorded it yourself? Cruiser by the Red House Painters is that kind of song for me right now. Check it out.

Tangent. I feel like my worth is proportional to my work in other people’s eyes. Although the quality of my work tends to be high, it’s a shitty feeling. Like being a commodity.

KSCR is a lot of investment for no return lately. Let’s hope the broker has a long-term plan for me. #

I’m back. I feel like an obscure literary reference made out of context by the guy at the bar who acts smarter than he really is. I miss my family and the rain. I refuse to become depressed again.

Several surprises: all the CDs I ordered from half.com came in about 3 days, so now I’m listening to Broken Social Scene, which is the official soundtrack of the summer (in addition to Ralph Myerz and the Jack Herren Band). Also, my rare, lost-in-the-mail Crash poster actually arrived while I was gone. To cap it all off, I forgot how fucking cool my room is. I also marveled at how much cooler it will be with my drumset in it.

So, I guess you should check out Trinet or something, that’s where all the cool kids are hanging out these days. I’ll be at KSCR—I heard they installed some thumbscrews in the Studio A rack—a method of self-torture. #