I’m supposed to be doing physics homework right now, but I can’t concentrate. My mind is swimming with thoughts that would sit better here.
This last week, the last week of classes, was probably the busiest of my life. I had two final projects in engineering due, a percussion jury, two piano finals, and an EE final exam. I slept about four hours on most nights, which made me sick. I’m still sick. I think I have some sort of infection… maybe I’ll go to the doctor tomorrow.
Anyway, almost everything went as well as it could last week. The final projects came together. My percussion jury was all but perfect. One of my judges was a percussionist from the LA philharmonic. I realized only afterwards that the marimba solo I performed was written by one of the principals of the same ensemble, Mitch Peters (a household name in percussion). I still somehow managed to get positive comments.
I also went to an Our Lady Peace concert last week in Pomona. I think that’s the fourth time I’ve seen them. The new guitarist is very technically competent, but I think he’s changed OLP a lot. They do a lot more straight-ahead rock now, which I don’t like as much. The old songs still sounded great, though… I started crying during the bridge of Naveed. I haven’t cried since July. That song means so much to me — I associate the feeling of forward motion with the path my life has taken over the last few years. It felt good to get that emotion out.
I’m relieved that last week is over. I’m not happy yet though — there’s more work to do. I feel just as stressed, even though my exams don’t trouble me as much as the final projects and juries did. Physics feels tedious, now… I just want it to end. The course hasn’t gotten any easier to match the ambition we’re starting to lose as students at the end of the year. The final will be difficult, and I need to force myself to study.
I asked a girl out a few days ago. She said no. I had been thinking about it for a month or so. My heart wasn’t even in it… it’s just that I’m sick of feeling lonely, cold, and emotionless, and she seems like a nice girl who seemed to like me. Oh well. I never thought this could be so hard.
This took only a few minutes for you to read, but it took over an hour for me to write. It’s never easy to iron out my thoughts like this, but it helps. To be honest, I’m depressed. I just want to put my head down on my desk and listen to sad music. I need to make myself happy somehow. If not now, then when? #
